Not a terrorist site!

To obtain the file of the "How to Become a Terrorist" leaflet please email us at biggestcon [at]@ and we will email it back.
Also any comments or suggestions will be gratefully received.

The text of the leaflet is as follows, which prints on two sides of an A4 sheet (with much better layout than here).

How to become a terrorist – a practical guide

There are various paths to becoming a terrorist, or more specifically an Islamic Jihadist terrorist, but the one you will learn here is by far the most common one.  The people most likely to excel as terrorists are usually the most kind, considerate, conscientious, community-minded people, and who have successful academic achievements at graduate level or higher.  But others also stand something of a chance in this career-path. 

It is a great help if you can be born into a family of people who are by long tradition Muslims (or who at least believe they are Muslims).  The best families are those which are integrated within a whole community of fellow believers, with a strong belief in kindness and tolerance of others and strong belief that Islam is a noble religion of peace, founded by the peaceful Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon Him) for the benefit of all mankind.

It further helps if you can grow up in a country where all the politicians and media universally endorse this reality of Islam being a wonderful religion of peace.  Ideally, leading thinkers such as Sadiq Khan and Professor Mona Siddiqi should make you very familiar with the noble quotation of Qur’an 5:32, that “If anyone killed a person it would be as if he had killed all mankind, and if he saved a life it would be as if he had saved the life of all mankind”. 

It is even better if any people who assert that Islam is not a religion of peace and kindness, or even claim that the Prophet (pbuh) was some sort of violent criminal, are all silenced by laws prohibiting hate speech and islamophobic slurs. 

After some years of this optimal background and foreground, you will have come to a firm understanding that the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) is the most excellent person in history, whose conduct you should strive earnestly to emulate.  And that the Qur’an is the most marvellous perfect word of Allah himself, the final message of Allah, which you should consider your supreme guidance in life.             

Once you have firmly established these principles in your understanding of life, the universe, and everything, then you are ready to move on to the next stage of becoming a terrorist. 

This second stage begins when you decide to be even more conscientious and devout, and to study more carefully the guidance of the noble Qur’an and the example of the holy Prophet (pbuh).  Not least you notice that that famous quotation of Qur’an 5:32 was grossly misleading, because it was not the whole verse.  And that the whole verse was really stating itself to be a command only to “the Children of Israel”, that is only to the Jews and not a command to Muslims:

“On that account: We ordained for the Children of Israel that if anyone killed a person - unless it be in retaliation for murder or for spreading mischief in the land - it would be as if he killed all mankind: and if anyone saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of all humanity.”

And you notice that nowhere in Allah’s perfect Qur’an does it say that that verse also applies to Muslims, in none of its thousands of other verses.  Indeed, there are no verses which prohibit Muslims from killing non-Muslims.  And furthermore numerous other verses appear to outrighty contradict such a prohibition (as will be discussed further on). 

In your deepening study of the true Islam, you next notice that many verses tell you that Allah is All-Powerful, and can do anything (2:106; 2:148; 3:73, and many others).  As such there is no way that Allah could have a communication handicap.  And his perfect book especially cannot be defective in its communication.  So there can be no question of it needing to be “interpreted” by any mere humans.  It is explicitly Allah’s Final Testament, thereby refuting any speculation that some asserted Imam or other has authority to subsequently substitute other words in the mouth of Allah.  Not least considering that the perfect Qur’an gives no directions on how to identify any such authorised “interpreter”.  So the Qur’an must mean simply what it rather obviously says.  And the language is quite clear enough in plenty of places.

Furthermore Muslims are not allowed to pick and choose which verses they accept.  Rather they must accept all of them, as verses 2:85-6 make clear: 

“....Believe you in part of the Scripture and disbelieve you in part thereof?  And what is the reward of those who do so save ignominy in the life of the world, and on the Day of Resurrection they will be consigned to the most grievous doom. .... Their punishment will not be lightened, neither will they have support.”

The next stage of your becoming an Islamic Jihad terrorist is your continued study to learn precisely what is the message Allah is giving you, what commands you should be following from his Qur’an.  You will note that some verses are making clear that you should participate in Jihad fighting.  And that this Jihad warfare is not just defensive, but involves capturing women and booty and slaves, and invading countries and communities which are not at the time attacking your own: 

(And you understand that no, these verses are not “taken out of context”, they mean what they mean.)

“It is not for any Prophet to have captives until he has made a great slaughter in the land.” [8:67]

“Married women are forbidden to you except the captives your right (sword) hand possesses.” [4:24] 

“O Prophet! We have made lawful to you your wives … and those whom your right (sword) hand possesses of the captives of war whom Allah has assigned to you.” [33:50]. 

“It is not allowed you to take other women henceforth nor that you should change them for other wives even though their beauty pleased you, except for those whom your right hand possesses.” [33:52]

“Allah promises you will capture much booty.” [48:20]

“One-fifth of your spoils of war shall belong to Allah, the Apostle, the Apostle's kinsfolk, the orphans, the destitute, and the traveler in need.” [8:41]

“And that which Allah gives as spoil unto His messenger from them, you urged not any horse or riding-camel for the sake thereof [i.e. you did no work to earn it], but Allah gives His messenger lordship over whom he will.  Allah is able to do all things.”[59:6] 

"The spoils of war taken from the town-dwellers and assigned by Allah to His apostle shall belong to Allah, to the Apostle and his kinsfolk, .....” [59:7]

Other verses make clear that people were reluctant to involve in fighting and that Mohammed/Allah was encouraging them to fight even when they did not see any need for it (and so it was not just fighting to defend themselves):

“Fighting is prescribed for you, and you dislike it. But it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not.” [2:216]

“Have you not seen those unto whom it was said: Withhold your hands and establish worship and pay the poor-due?  But when fighting was prescribed for them, behold! a party of them fear mankind even as they fear Allah or with greater fear, and they say: Our Lord! why have you ordained fighting for us? If only you would give us respite for a while. I Say: The comfort of this world is scant; the Hereafter will be better for he who wards off evil.” [4:77]

“You shall be called upon to fight a mighty nation, unless they accept Islam.” [48:16]

And more verses call you to this warfare, not least:

“Whoever fights in the way of Allah, be he slain or victorious, on him we shall bestow a vast reward.” [4:74]

“Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. Those who follow him are merciful to one another, but ruthless to disbelievers.” [48:29]

“O you who believe! Fight those of the non-Muslims who are near to you and let them find harshness in you.” [9:123] 

“Surely the vilest of animals in Allah's sight are those who disbelieve.” [8:55]

“If anyone desires a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of the losers.” [3:85]

And also you will note that the Qur’an word commonly translated as “fighting” is not “jihad” but instead קָטַל(qatal) which would be more accurately translated as “kill” (or fight as in a battle rather than a street brawl).

And you notice that this hostility towards the disbelievers is the main theme of the Qur’an.  And that the very few relatively “peaceful” verses date from before the Prophet (pbuh) took control of Medina to found the original Islamic State, after which they were abrogated by the later more violence-commanding ones. (Allah says he abrogates verses (changes his mind) in Qur’an 2:106.)

By following this path, you can successfully end up as an Islamic Jihadist terrorist.  You will understand that the Qur’an is commanding you to terrorise those who refuse to believe, to wage war against them and capture and take ownership of their booty and women and take them forcibly as your wives.  Even expelling whole townships after chopping down their precious food trees (Qur’an 59:2-7).

But meanwhile it is important that you avoid certain serious errors which could deflect you from successfully becoming a terrorist.  Especially you must avoid asking inappropriate questions which can only confuse you.  For instance:

Why are just about all the Islamic countries such social and economic failures from which the citizens eagerly flee?  Why after 1400 years of Jihad are there more disbelievers than ever?  Why all those inventions by non-Muslims?

Why did Allah write only in Arabic? Why so much confusion about peace or violence? (even among Arabic speakers).  Did Allah have a low IQ?

Why didn’t the All-Powerful Allah just deliver his message direct to each of us rather than grant an exclusive monopoly to an ancient Arab merchant?  Wouldn’t it have saved so much bother? 

Why so many verses about disbelievers?  And those who pretend to believe?  Why would anyone want to disbelieve Allah’s wonderful revelation anyway, let alone sneakily only pretend to believe it?  Indeed, considering how his book is so angrily preoccupied with many people refusing to believe in his existence, did Allah have a problem of low self-esteem?

Why does the perfect Qur’an say that man was created from a blood clot [96:1-2], from water [25:54], from clay [15:26], from dust [30:20], and from nothing [3:47]?

Why “Every being that is in the heavens and on earth: all are devoutly obedient to Him.” [30:26] … but the Qur’an also makes hundreds of references to those who are not obedient [2:11-20, 3:10-12, etc etc] and the horrors that await them?

Why is the Islamic year so inaccurate, even though 600 years earlier Julius Caesar had already got the year accurate to a fraction of a day?  Why does the Qur’an command to “strictly observe the fast till nightfall” [2:187] when that can mean fasting for weeks continuously in Polar regions?

Why does the perfect Qur’an say that a man went to the “places” where the sun rises and sets [18:86, 18:90]?.

Why does the Qur’an never speak of the Earth being a globe but only of it being like a flat carpet rolled out [5:19, 20:53, 43:10, 50:7, 51:48, 71:19, 78:6, 79:30, 88:20, 91:6]?

Could it be that Allah had only ever lived in Arabia and consequently only knew about his own flat earth polar-less winter-less universe? 

Could it be that Islam is just a hoax of nonsense invented by one power-seeking man and enforced ever since with terrorism and fear of deadly violence?  Indeed, what persuaded you to become a Muslim yourself? 

It is important to avoid asking yourself these questions.

Also it’s very important to disbelieve the reports of millions of Muslims converting to Christianity, and keep well away from apostate groups such as FaithToFaithless, the Council of Ex‑Muslims, and so on. 


In peace.